jedi.tricks

dottdotti @ 2009-04-18T08:01:00

2009-04-18T15:01:24Z

K.O.

he came to me in a dream..

2009-03-24T13:25:35Z

and his face was so familiar.

a noise outside alerts me and i suddenly panick.
but it's no surprise, since in dreams, emotional rationality isn't always an option.
Nervous, i pace to my front door, cracking it slowly to the darkness outside.
It must be around midnight.
His silhoutte, even blacker than the night that frames him, startles me and i quickly step back in the door frame. My hand pushes in front of me to close the door, but he grabs it gently and quickly takes it to his lips, cool as he holds them to my skin. Looking up, his eyes catch in the street light; his smell dancing on the breeze. A smile instantly appears on my lips, and i pull him through the door frame, to me.
And he is there, wrapping himself around and inside of my arms. clinging and holding all in one. We stay that way, entangled in each others limbs and smells. Pulled together to form the smallest ball we can, as if we were to cram ourselves into one small space, we would somehow find the closeness we seek. At some point, my sides begin to shake from giggles. I grab his hands, linking them with mine and we sit together, talking like old times. laughing. going back to the days when we were the best of friends...jokingly he unwraps a string from his wrist, dangling it in front of me in challenge. Deftly, i tangle my fingers in the string coming up with the beginnings of cat's cradly. a familiar game. as he is familiar.
it stays like this, filling me with warmth, until my eyes flutter and open to an empty house.
no traces of him. because he was never here. never apart of this place or time.
and yet, i can still smell him in this room and on my skin.

faces that last forever..

2009-03-22T09:11:14Z

cody called tonight.
cody.
and it all came rushing back.
how attached i was to him.
and how eager i was to see him smile.

just hearing his voice made me smile.
it's been years since.. we talked.
voice to voice.

we haggled over his need for a visit.
like two old withered friends
still fighting in the prime of their lives.
his last words:
"i miss miss you. I love you."
i love you too, cody.heart.

how i could just run away with him.
and i love him.
but not.
in that way.

or maybe.
specifically in that way.
because his smile
makes me smile.
and i was never afraid to let him go.
because he was too beautiful to ever be mine.
like angels that come into your life..
leaving moments and smiles
that you never forget
before they move on again.
never yours.
just so happy that for that moment
you caught their eye.
and all you can hope for them
is that they find someone
as equally enthralling,
as equally mysterious.
as equally marvelous.

these angels.
they come and go
and they never really realize
they imprints they leave behind.

oh, but they are treasured.
like pockets of sunshine
on a rainy day.

thank you, cody.heart.
for making me smile.
:)

hedwig and the angry inch..

2009-01-29T08:37:26Z

this movie is so amazing...

he isn't our saviour. but he IS black.

2009-01-20T14:38:54Z

Today is a big day for America. 2 million people are going to show up on the lawn of the white house to see the first black president sworn into office. But we all know that. Just like we know the steps were built by slaves and that by his acceptance into office, we start a whole new chapter of the american dream. A hopeful one. Yet, this inauguration is going to cost 3 times what bush's cost, and THAT was the most expensive in history. Does it help that a lot of the excess cost is picked up by rich big wigs? some of who we are helping to bail out with our hard earned tax dollars? Is it really a spark of change if we are spending this money on a celebration, when our economy needs every bit of stimulation it can get? Yes. This does create jobs and a sense of patriotism. But is it a balance? Is it the right foot to get started on?

He can't fix everything. That should be a given, i would suppose. However, the obama-rama attitude has taken foot and nothing will get it down. That's not to say that we shouldn't have hope or that we shouldn't scream it from the rooftop. Just that we should be realistic about our hope. My dad actually reminded me of something that Ronald Reagan said in his inaugural address.. "The government cannot fix your problems. The government IS the problem." And here we are 40 years later, turning to our government to fix things. The only difference is that for the first time, our government is actually asking something of us as citizens. To stand up, dust off our neighborhood pride, and learn to be a citizen again. Go out and learn to share. Don't fear your neighbor. Make friends. Seems so simple, but is it?

You also can't underestimate the power of today either. Cynicism is a great thing, but only to the point before it crosses over into being just as blind as trust. My dad also said something along the lines of "a black guy could have been elected anytime within the last 20 years." Implying that the equality issue of the first black man fulfilling the ultimate american dream is really of no significance. I disagree. It is amazing to me that it has taken this long, yes. but really, truthfully, and perhaps horribly, it takes the passing on (and yes i mean death) of a generation, to kill out things like racism, because it is a hate and fear that is highly engrained. A good deed is easy to forget, but a bad one is burn on the skin forever. It took the passing of my grandparents generation and my parents generation coming into power to see an african american man to take presidential office. And really it has nothing to do with the color of his skin, but his ability to move people and motivate them into an activist approach at a hopeful future.

I am so hopeful today. But also so skeptical.
he isn't our savior.
but he is a spark of hope.
he is a reminder
that things can overcome.

good luck mr obama.
may the force be with you.
you will need every bit of it.

wisdom huh?

2009-01-20T14:23:43Z

Went to the oral surgeon guy today.
nice little office.
all my dr's are like on one street.
i find that amusing.
i also know that i will never drive down that street for pleasure anymore.
haha

Apparently my top wisdom teeth are growing pretty straight down but flared out to the side, which causes the pain i feel in my jaw.. or rather pressure. because when they flare out they are pushing against my lower jaw bone where the two overlap and connect. However, they could easily be taken out with local anesthetic.
Now my bottom wisdoms are whole other issue. they are completely sideways. although higher than most, so there is less chance of any nerve damage. I will have to be put under though. which scares me a little. I am not so keen on this idea of having an IV. If it is just a shot. cool. but if its an IV. i think i might panic a little. I am also curious if i do it at the office or hospital? I dunno. I am still waiting to find out about cost and all that. Although I am pretty sure dad is gonna pay for it if insurance doesn't. just because i need it. I think mom is gonna come out and take care of me. And i am gonna take a sick day so that i can have a little longer of a weekend since i obviously won't be feeling so hot.

hmmm....

down in the dumps..

2009-01-14T18:20:29Z

i've been really down lately.
and i super hate it.

part of it is being sick this past week.
which. affects how stoned i can get
which affects how depressed i am.

fuckin laaaaaame.

but. its better than xanax where i am completely non functional.

also.

i am so fucking lonely.
seriously.
seriously.
seriously.

just fucking shoot me
because apparently i am not attractive
or interesting to anyone of the opposite sex
that is even mildly attractive and interesting in return.

i get hit on by greasy old mexican men.
grrrrrrrrrrreat.
just who i dreamed of spending my life with.
*gag*

they are fixing up the place next door
cus creepy lady whosetthehouseonfire
moved out.
yay.
but its loud.
and i can't sleep.

so.
because i need to distractions.
i have decided to provide all of you with some of my favorite things lately...

a softer world is an amazing comic strip. i definitely recommend browsing.
http://www.asofterworld.com

i love this anime. even tho. yes. their mouths don't move.
getoverit.
its still amazing.
give it an episode or two.
and you are sooo addicted.

geocaching is this amazing treasure hunt that takes place all over the world. Basically there are treasures hidden right outside your door and you never knew it! To find them you sign up (its free) and then get GPS coordinates (yes, you will need a GPS). Then using the coordinates you go out and find it!
really.
i fucking love it.
it makes the goonie in me swoon
http://www.geocaching.com

draw one play one. thats the basic rules of FLUXX. These cards are from the monty python version i just got. and. let me just say that its hilarious. Cards include things like speaking in outrageous accents and reciting monty python quotes. Definitely have to know monty python to play, but original fluxx is just as amazing. I used to play all the time in highschool but haven't picked up the game for years. well i did the other day and now i am re-addicted.
http://www.wunderland.com/LooneyLabs/Fluxx/

i recently re-picked up the lenore comics, since the 13th one just came out in color. I definitely need to reread them. i forgot what a hilarious outlook on life that they provide.

flight of the conchords.
really? need i say more?
http://www.hbo.com/conchords/

another super great comic strip. super nerdy and a little emo. <3
http://xkcd.com

a friend of mine hooked me up with this. its sort of a social/artistic experiment. really. its kind of hard to explain.
just.
go check it out.
and don't be afraid
to start something
new.
today.
http://sf0.org/about/

aaaaaaand.....

these movies have just been chillin in my vcr/dvd player for the last week.
seriously i think i can recite them all.

[a mashup of good moments]

kinda stoked..

2009-01-10T04:03:46Z

so my online book of shadows has gained 47 viewers in the last three days.
*smile*

im liking this being more open thing.

now if i can just find some people locally
who arent weird or creepy.

HA.

some interesting happenings...

2009-01-09T20:00:17Z

first off...

work..
So far so good. One of the directors talked to the boss and he said we were done laying off for OUR department. which. yay! but still. scary.

SBIFF..
so im gonna volunteer with the Santa Barbara film fest. Its something i have wanted to do every year and never done it. so. game on.
I am trying to figure it out with my wisdom teeth removal. cus im not sure when that will get scheduled but i want it asap... the film fest is jan 22 - feb 1 tho.
soooooo.
i will know on monday tho.

saturday full moon..
so as part of my new years resolution to be more open about my beliefs.
saturday is a full moon.. which means an evening of meditating, good food, music, and fun.
but also some serious stuff too.
this is the time of year for new beginnings. sloughing off the old and regrowing the new.
and there is a lot of baggage of the past year that i want to happily cast off.
so between that and some personality traits that i want to mellow down,
i am going to do some of that as well.
any friends in the vtown area are welcome to come for the post ritual festivities
which include yummy food, energy workings and tarot readings.
:)
Just let me know so i have enough food for all!!

well i started to feel less sick this morning.
but noow.
its coming back.
time for bed.

<3

uhhhohhh

2009-01-09T10:47:54Z

they are laying off people at work.

I got in today
and the head of our little department
informed me that they are laying off people.
I guess they laid off 4 people this past day..
and there are apparently more to come tomorrow.

Unless they cut on-air hours
i should be okay.
There are two part-timers in our department.
So they would go first.
Then, from there.. i cover the nightshift.. with very little overlap
plus i never try to get overtime out of them (they hate that)
and i do tapes for 4 of 7 news shows 4 of 7 days of the week.

IF they DO cut hours... like no more overnights,
I would probably have to take hour cuts MAYBE
and probably have to work weekends.

sooo.
sadly.
this affects a lot of things.
because.
there really aren't a lot of jobs out there right now.
on top of that, my parents pay my rent and that is mostly due to WHERE i live.
Dad comes up here for business so he stays with me instead of getting a hotel.
so the situation helps him.. thus why he is willing to pay my rent.

so without jobs to really be had..
and without a job, i cant ask my parents to dish out money for me to stay here..
sooo
i will probably have to move back home for a while.
at least until i find something that will work or what not.

BUT NOTHING YET.
i still have my job.
and i will happily keep it until i get laid off.
and figure it out from there.

but.
guh.
i don't feel good.
and this doesnt help.
booo.

guuuh

2009-01-09T01:39:01Z

i feel like crud.
mostly just.
energy-less
but also
scratchy throat
and a little stuffiness.

guh.
i just want to be cuddled.

i also don't feel like thats a lot to ask.

not after a really hard year
of being all alone
in that respect.

sooooo tired.

2009-01-08T10:37:36Z

soooooo tired.
seriously.

but it was great having fibs around today.
kept my chin up.

seriously.

and i am sooo sooo tired.
all i am going to do tomorrow is sleep.

on the upside.
i get my class settlement money in feb.
:)
maybe it will be more than 20 bucks.

i doubt it.

i read it in the cards...

2009-01-08T10:35:54Z

that i should be wary
of what i lust after.
things.
people.

because
i may be wanting
for the sake
of wanting
something.
anything.

and in the end,
they said
i should look closer.

is it really what i want?

....

i thought yes.
this could really be
something

but
now
my heart
and head
agree.

move on.
there is nothing for you here

for those of you who want to read more about my tarot readings
go to
http://saress.livejournal.com/

nancy.nostalgia

2009-01-08T10:19:38Z

i took a look
back into the
past

and found these
snapshots
of smiles
and times.

back before i had spots

when i was a baby goonie.
(and these were "the boys")

seriously.
this is where we lived:
(2 hours north of Fort Collins, CO)

no resolutions for 09... just the promise to try..

2009-01-02T18:46:47Z

I'm not really sure how i feel about making "resolutions".. mostly because when i resolve to do something, is the minute i officially lose interest. So perhaps the best way to put this is my list of things i promise to do my best at....hahaha...

-> be more open about my spirituality.
I have been a practicing witch for about 10 years now. I very rarely talk about it and usually change the subject when it comes up because of the general view points of most people. I got a lot of ridicule in highschool about my choice of religion but now that i am 23 and i pretty much have it tattooed all over me, i feel like i need to be more open about it. Why? well. there are many times in my life where i have given up on celebrating some of my more important holidays because i want to spend time with friends but am too shy to say that i have plans because they would question what they are. I want to get to the point where i am able to do tarot readings and energy workings for friends, as well as having them join in the celebrations - even if they are just onlookers for a good portion of it. The hardest part is that spirtuality makes people vulnerable, no matter what your belief system - so its hard to hear things about the trendy propaganda involving my beliefs when it in no way applies to my actual practices.

To start this, i have posted my book of shadows online. Basically its a collection of notes on my beliefs and rituals, including tarot readings, holidays, and any sort of "haunting"/energy reading work that i do.
Here is the link: http://saress.livejournal.com/

The top page is my beliefs.. to read more.. you'll have to either join LJ.. and friend me..
or..
you can log into this dummy LJ account:

go to: www.livejournal.com
username: pepito4u
password: spacerdebaser2

From there just click on the friends page link - the saress journal is the one you will be looking at from there on out.

-> work on creating lasting relationships.
I have had some great friends for several years now and i really want to perpetuate those friendships. I also really want to work on creating more of them and maybe even finding a hand holder that can be around for a while.. stable.

-> live in the now.. not in the future, not in the past.
I have spent a lot of the last few years talking about how i want to move here or there, or get a new job, or anything..but be where i am now. But i have come to realize that i really really like ventura. I love the weather, the weird people, the trees and ocean so smooshed together. I like my job.. even tho i don't love it.. i really enjoy the paid time off, the insurance, the security, the set schedule, the three day weekends, the people, the familiarity. So this year i want to spend the time actually enjoying ventura... go see all the places i have never been.. like the punch bowls.. which are apparently an aawesome spot to hike to..and i know there are tons of others. Lots of places i haven't eaten or explored. Part of me wants to make a photojournal of ventura.. cover all the different areas..or somethin.

so. if you do or have lived in ventura.. what are your favorite places? to hang out? to eat?
let me know.
i want to investigate.

-> smile and laugh. focus on the things that make me feel like a kid again.
I realized lately that i like myself a lot more when i am acting like a kid. so. i am going to try to make that a more frequent thing. hang out with people who inspire me to be more carefree.

-> go to disneyland an ungodly amount of times. :)

-> be less lonely.
haha now if only you spoke something to make it true. HA! so this seems like an odd one, i know. but i spend so much of my life alone, that i certainly am not afraid to go out and do what i want to do.. dinner, movies, concerts, shopping, etc alone.. but.. it doesn't mean that i don't feel any less lonely for it. I have to say that was one big reason that kristen was in my life for so long.. she was a constant companion.. and it helped to fight off the loneliness.. I am someone who doesn't need to be fully interactive when i hang out with someone and really enjoy just being in other's presence while we go about our seperate things.. whether chores, reading, or art projects.. anything. So this year i want to work on making myself feel less lonely when i hang out with myself.. not sure on how yet.. but damnit. i resolve to try!!!

-> host more social gatherings.
When i lived in the bayshore house i used to have so many parties and dinner gatherings. While i now live in a MUCH smaller place, i want to organize some sort of outing. Maybe a once a month friends all get together and go to dinner sort of thing. Bounce it between here and LA or do it in the middle or something. I think it would be great and fun.
I also could start holding more dinner parties here.. but do them slightly less traditional.. ie: maybe the whole sitting on the floor style. I just know that i seriously miss that part of my life.

-> spend more time in san francisco
I left my heart there. I would like to go retrieve it. And spend more time there in the process.

-> smoke less.
HA. okay. so this one is a comparative thing. but no really. I would like to get it cut down even more than i have this year. Hopefully without all the undue stress of the 2008 catastrophe.. i will be able to be less depressed and more.. myself.

-> get creative revolution off the ground.
This is a no brainer. I have had this business for a year and half now and it is still sitting on its ass. I come across so many people that would really benefit from this and i just can't seem to get my shit together. So i really want to focus this year on getting that at least going. Ie: business plan up, website up, some clientele. I know right now is the last time to be getting into any sort of economically balanced business. but. if nothing else, its a project i can work on in my spare time.

-> make some headway on the documentaries.
I have a list of three documentaries that i would really like to begin shooting this year. The progress is going to be a bit slow because of the need to travel and funds. But i want to at least tackle all the ones that are dependent on old people who might pass away, and all the people that are close to me. Again, another project for my "spare" time.

-> be myself more.
a lot of the time i am very shy about relaxing and being myself because i tend to be a bit crude and absurd. I talk about things that don't exist. I have whole conversations about scenarios that have and probable could never happen. I like to play devils advocate to make people explain themselves. I am a completely sarcastic bitch in real life. haha.. I am really silly and super hyper. ( I know a lot of that is dulled down by smoking.. but thats part of why i smoke) I really want to see more of these traits showing through this year. It just startled me to realize that people i have known for 3+ years, still really have no clue who i am.. like.. that i am a huge ham and always used to star in plays and stuff. Or about my likes and dislikes.. and i realized that its not them.. that its me.. that i am bad at projecting these things outward.

-> look people in the eyes.
I'm not sure when i stopped doing this.. but there became a point where i felt so vulnerable that i just stopped doing it.
and it needs to stop. but there is a lot i am always afraid to lay out there. my mom always used to say that you could read me through my eyes... and i have always known that they are a tell tale sign... i'm gonna go with the fact that on top of just being expressive.. they also tend to change colors with my mood. when i am depressed they are this weird hazel brown.. but when i am happy.. they line with green and get these weird turquoise blue puddles in them.. and if i'm upset and angry, they tend to flash bright green.. (a visual effect partially created by red eyes.. but not always.) Anyways. you get the point.

-> learn to wear my heart.
not on my sleeve. but somewhere. maybe on my backpack. But i have this feeling that by hiding all the things i feel for people and things.. and all the times i suppress myself needs to stop. and by putting my heart out there just a little more, i might be surprised at what i get back....

-> to not expect so much from others...
i have this problem. and really there isn't much to say other than it needs to be worked on. I did a lot of working on it this last year.. mostly in becoming aware of it. and doing my best to moderate it. But now i want to be damn familiart with it.. and know how to deal with it.

-> get less worked up over social situations.
i get so stressed and worked up about social situations. everything from chance meetings in bars to admitting my feelings to someone, i stress the fuck out. i get worked up and end up feeling physically sick. I let my mind dwell on things without progressing and just dig myself into a hole of self loathing. I want to find a way to balance the situation. I usually just smoke. but. then it limits my ability to be myself....so. i need to figure out a way to strike a fair balance.

aaaaaaaand
thats it.

:)

go 2009!!!

little busy bee

2008-12-03T14:52:37Z

i have no idea what i have gotten myself into
but my god.
my project list for christmas is soooo loong.
goodness.
i hope i make it through it all.
just a rough list:

mom and dads family tree wood project

my sister's sister wood project
then for her and her husband one of their family, and one of each kid.

for the kids, i am making a little video and some dress up boxes.

then for general family members, i am going to print the family picture that i took of everyone, and then any individual pictures of them. Put them in like a little matte envelope if i can find them.

then. its stuff for the friends.
three bigger projects.
and then two kinda easy ones.

AND I ONLY HAVE TWO WEEKENDS between now and when i leave.
which.
i want to be done before i leave.
maybe minus one or two of the projects for friends.

guh.
if i get through all this.
i am going to buy myself something nice with my tax returns!!!

one tired turkey

2008-12-03T14:32:35Z

wow.

turkey day weekend was.. epic.
at the very least.

what is normally a 6 hour drive
took me closer
to 10 hours to get there
and 8 to get back.
wowza.

but i actually had a really good time while i was there.
I got in late the night before turkey day.
then the following morning was spent cooking with mum
and then once people came over it was just hanging out
had a few mimosa's with my aunt
and ended up doing some singing in rockband.
:)
which. my parents have. and i am completely addicted.
but more on that. later.

day 2 was christmas deco day
and for the first time in years
it was my mom, sis, brother and me decorating
dad came in on the last little bit.
but it was really wonderful and we spent a lot of time reminiscing
about the colorado house.
which. god i miss a lot.

day three - the final day
first off was family pictures.
so we did a christmas setup
and an outside setup
i took some pretty okay pictures
for being rushed, without a light meter, and using a canon rebel for the first time.
which. was really awesome to have that to use. but man-o-man do i wish i owned it so that i could not feel like such a newb with it. Each camera is so different and i never shoot canon, let alone that model.

but yea got some good photos
i'm sure not as many as i would like.
but.
oh well.

after photos, my dad and i went geocaching which was really awesome.
we went and placed our first geocache.. which got posted yesterday and was found within a few hours!!!!!
we also went and found one in downtown havasu.. again.. cool cool.
i picked up a cute little slug coin to move along.

Day three
i spent the morning relaxing with mom and was going to go to staples.. but my parents pretty much supplied me with everything i needed so i didn't have to go. :)
Then it was off to sisters to say bye to her and the kids.. and i totally scored a whole bunch of games for my DS.. to borrow.

and on top of that dad gave me a bluetooth headset!!! so yay for that too!

that was pretty much all of it.
only that in my "down" time i went through family photos for the xmas projects i have going.

it was the best turkey day in years.

seriously.
years.

turkey day!!

2008-11-26T11:45:12Z

ugh.
i leave in like.. less than 12 hours..
and i want to leave sooner.

but i know that's a bad idea..
i should get some sleep before i get in the car
for the worlds most boring 6 hour drive.
I also probably won't be able to pick up the lights that i am getting
till at least 1.
so.
boooo.

i just want to be there.
and relaxing.
and grubbing on food.
and being laaaaazy.
and just.
a mini vacation!

i am totally coming home on sunday.
hopefully in the morning-ish..
and i am leaving with a clean house..
soooo
hopefully i can come back on sunday and spend the rest of the weekend
playing WoW and just.. enjoying.

i just hope all this feels relaxing.
and not like i am on the go the whole time.
and i hope it goes by SLOWLY.
very very slowly.

but that's never how it works.

vampire for life?

2008-11-26T11:40:53Z

i mentioned to our "pseudo" manager today about my switching to days
to see if he had talked to our boss about it...
I guess so far it looks like i am not gonna get what i requested.
which.
i know i am being picky.

basically.
what i want is what i have now..
only day times.

and this shift exists... everyday.
it's just that those people don't want to give up their shift.
sooooo.

so yeah.
what i want is 4 days consecutive with 10 hour shifts.
That way i can still have a 3 day weekend..
for many reasons..
i commute.. and don't make enough to come up here 5 days a week.
I want to be able to take classes, travel, and work on PA'ing in LA
on my days off that way while I am at a stale mate at my job (since there is a LINE to move up.. a line that has nothing to do with seniority or talent or qualifications)so at least on my days off i can expand my brain or experience level or something.

anyways.
so i think that if i don't get the schedule i ask for that i am just gonna stay on nights.
otherwise
they want to make it so that i would work 1 or 2 nights a week.. then have 2 days as a day shift?
um. no. my body CANNOT handle that. sorry.
then on top of that since i wont be strictly on overnights i would be available to be called in if they need someone..
so.
no.
there would be no benefits to me..
and since i can barely pay rent.
i need the time to have another job.. or at least a second source of income.
so i would just keep my night shift and look for another job. i'm sure it will take me a bit to find one. so no immediate shift. but i am gonna put myself out there.
see if anything better can come along.

yeah.
BALJSLSJGLSDGJ:SLDJ

stupid people.

anyways.
deep breath.
i am just..
letting it go.

all i want for xmas..

2008-11-21T11:33:38Z

is
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

ugh.

so tired.

ALL THE TIME.

and so over it.

what a day.

2008-11-20T10:15:53Z

seriously.

so to begin with.
the kids i work with just can't get their shit together.
NORMALLY, i get a rundown with tape numbers and the decks they go in..ohhhh 5 or ten minutes BEFORE the news show, that way i can make sure i have all the tapes.
(mind you, there are close to 30 tapes a show, and only 3 decks. so order is very important.)

well in the morning shows.. which is 3 consecutive shows, i get the damn rundown 3 minutes INTO each show. which is a pain in the ass.
and on top of that the producer has been a complete dick to me lately. and i am really over it.
He seems to think that he is better than me because as his first job in the "industry" he is working as a producer, who can't get his shit together.
which. whatever.

but then there was a huge accident on the 101 N. so the lady that comes in to relieve me is in like an hour + of traffic and was an hour or so late to work. which. it happens. but when i left there was a lot more traffic than normal.. so i get home like 9.. and I was supposed to have my car at the shop by 8:30.. so i get there.. and have to wait in a line cus i'm late..
my car is getting a major service so its out of commission for a few days so i get a rental car. Well the lady at the counter is really curt and rude with me until the service rep comes up and mentions that i work nights.. she asks me where, i tell her the tv station in SB.. and VOILA.. bitch turns into miss nice.

i fuckin hate people like that.

so i get home finally. find out that i dont have all the insurance that i need on the rental car. so back out i go.. luckily only a few blocks. but still. UGH.

come 11am.. i am finally in fed and in bed.
I sleep till like 4pm and then wake up from all the phone calls.
booo.

of course then i get into it with my mom over the spiff my sister and i had when she was here last.
which. of course I always have to apologize.. even when she is just as much to blame as me.
but whatever. i am just biting my tongue. i want to enjoy the holidays and my time at home.
so i will just need to learn to take it. I just remind myself that this is why i live 600 miles away. :)

so yeah. lack of sleep.
and at work.
but its the second to last night.
and next week is short.
HOORAH! for that.

i can't wait for thanksgiving.
fooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

monday,monday

2008-11-18T09:53:39Z

i've decided to do a lot of "making" for xmas this year.
mainly because i am super broke and i feel really bad asking my parents to fun my christmas shopping.
so.
fore warning.
homemade presents this year.
but GOOD presents.
i promise.

so i spent most of my weekend kind of pricing those things out,
making sure i am actually going to spend LESS money by making it.
cus sometimes thats not the case.

I need some advice tho.
I am making the kids dress up boxes..
and basically i am going to decoupage some boxes. one for each
and well a girl's box is a lot easier. But what about the boy?
i was thinking of just doing each as like, things they could dress up as.
ie: firefighters, doctors, etc.
but i am not sure that they have those sorts of costumes.
soo
ANY IDEAS!?!

**decoupaging is when you take pictures and make a collage on something.**

other than that i had lunch with some family,
which was good. and i think i will be making some extra cash babysitting this weekend.
which. good.

today was good.
long.
and i am at work, pretty tired.
mondays are the hardest.
and people were so rude today.
some guy dropping off rx's to my neighbor was a complete dick to me and like parked his car right in front of mine, just as he knew i was leaving.
guh. such a jerk.

oh.
and GET THIS.

so.
i tell mr.disappearing rob about my crush.
and well.
all of a sudden it's
"lets hang out" "we should hang out more"
yada yada.
do i find this odd?
yes.
was i creeped out that there were ants in his bedroom?
i couldn't leave fast enough.
seriously.
but i didn't say anything.
cus.
thats weird.
even tho HE JINXED ME.. and said something about some ants on the outside, getting in.
and voila. two days later.
attack of the ants.
but boy do they creep.

anyways. interesting weekend.
my car needs like 1200.00 in repairs.
money that i don't have.
but i need to go home for thanksgiving.
so i think dad is gonna pay for it.
guh.
i hate that.

anyways.

all stocked up..

2008-10-11T11:51:03Z

so much goes on in my head.
lots of words
and half written stories
just bobbling about in my brain.

all discombobulated.
just for the sake of alliteration.

but really.

i don't know why i never write them down.

they may be trapped.

hopefully it's not permanent.

learning the way of the owl..

2008-10-01T10:06:30Z

so thank goodness to hulu.
it's been keeping me company this week at work.

and i'm slowly getting through the projects
that i have piled up against me.

one step at a time.

i can't wait till bed.
seriously.

pacing in my skin...

2008-09-29T22:00:12Z

"i can't push myself through the door
but i'm too lonely to stay in
maybe because this room i am pacing in
is only my skin."